I decided I would drive to Topeka today (Eeks! A big city!) and pulled on my usuals; clothing that I consider worn anywhere, anytime: jeans, black shoes and belt, and any kind of a black shirt. I chose a longsleeve plain black tee, tucked in (somewhat). I substituted my favorite jeans for a pair of darker blue—more dressy, but it wasn't until I was busy shopping when I noticed my shoes. I mean someone else did. I have several pairs of black items, these happened to be expensive (I got them for free) black leather that just happened to have random paint splatters that I didn't even notice (things like that don't bother me); probably left from my wall experiment months ago. Do you know that look that you get when someone thinks they are more sophisticated; that sneer; that holier than thou look; the snub; the nose in the air???
Honest to God, who really gives a rat's ass if someone doesn't appear perfect??? It took me a split second to realize what their focus was and to decide whether I let myself get all insecure about it or ignore it. I ignored them but there still was that little feeling of 'not good enough'. There are certain types of people that can just get to ya! What's weird is that I wouldn't be able to tell you what THEY were wearing-- I don't even notice. I talked to all kinds of people yesterday and have no idea what anyone's apparel was like! I do notice funky, artsy things that are unusual, probably because I would go home and try to make it, like my 2 chinese tops. It seems pretty shallow that a drip of paint on a stranger's shoes could evoke a side conversation about fashion (or my lack of)!
Really, if given a choice, my mode of dress (besides the jeans/black) would be my typical summer standard: a wife-beater, bikini, flipflops. Shorts: jean or old boxers or cutoff sweats. It's called 'preparation'! No AC so it's cool, yardwork ready; you can go fishing or out to Paula's pool whenever you feel like it, plus you're covered if you go to the grocery store or gas station. Does that sound white trash?! You can see that I'm not picky, but I would draw the line at crocs—yes, the most hideous invention ever.
But back to clothes. Do people really judge you based on them? I see the biggest girls wearing the tiniest tops or the shortest skirts or the lowest jeans. Is this honestly appealing? Is it attractive or would men prefer modesty? Hmmm. The same goes for make-up. I was shocked one day when a guy starting asking me “what's wrong with you?/ why do you look like that today?”etc. He was really bothered by the fact that I didn't always put on makeup-- like who cares! Should I have fallen to my knees, banging my forehead to the floor with Michael Myers' 'I'm not worthy', 'I'm not worthy'!? Tee hee! I should of, and really freaked him out! So why did that irritate me so much that I've remembered? Feel free to psychoanalyze!